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BDSMLR’s June Member of the Month: Meet James Redding

Meet James. He’s an adventurer who fluidly switches between sub and dom roles. It’s all about the thrill of the moment for him and the joy of pleasing others intensely, whether that means taking charge or giving up control. James is a free spirit. He likes to go where life takes him, and sometimes he brings his partners along for the ride. 


Read more about our Member of the Month, James Redding, below. You can also check out his blog here


How I found myself in porn


James Redding here.


I got into porn gradually. When I was about 17 years old, I made a bucket list for myself, and on there were some of the most out-of-character things that I secretly wanted to try. Some examples of these things were: work the graveyard shift at a convenience store, sell drugs, live on the streets for a week, work at a smoke shop (at that time I’ve never smoked, drank, or did any drugs), and alas, do a porn shoot.

When I was about 17 years old, I made a bucket list for myself, and on there were some of the most out-of-character things that I secretly wanted to try… work the graveyard shift at a convenience store, sell drugs, live on the streets for a week, work at a smoke shop [...] and alas, do a porn shoot



Now, I was always very sexually driven, but I’m not one to have a favorite porn star or porn site. I just Googled whatever fetish I was into at the moment and took care of my cravings. So, because of this, I didn’t really actively try looking for a job in porn, I just figured maybe one day the opportunity will present itself.


Once I turned 18, I was just being a slut and sleeping around with any willing man who asked. One of these guys—we’ll call him George (fake name)—was an older man, late 30s, and honestly I think I just gave him head once, but I’d go over often and entertain him—clean his house naked, talk with him and keep him company, give him a strip show/lap dance—that sort of thing. He was a really nice and caring person. 


Well, during one of my visits he was watching porn and wanted me to watch him jerk off, and he was asking me what my favorite porn sites were so he could widen his library. I explained I didn’t have any, and he proceeded to recommend some to me. One of which was BoyCrush.com and he told me that I’d be perfect to be one of their boys.



In late 2011, at 19 years old, I met and moved in with my now husband, Trevor (fake name). Shortly after we met, his job was taking him to Colorado for several weeks, and initially I was going to stay behind because I had work and college. However, I lasted two days and, in a love-struck stupor, I quit my job, quit school, grabbed a large bottle of Grey Goose that George had bought me as a good-bye gift, and drove up to Colorado to meet Trevor. 


While there, he somehow got connected with a photographer who wanted to take some photos of him. It all seemed kind of sketchy, so I went with him. Well, the photographer finished with my husband, then asked if he could take photos of us in our underwear, and we agreed. Then he asked to take photos of me naked, and we both agreed. It wasn’t porn, it was definitely more artistic, but that was my first time being naked for public viewing, and helped Trevor warm up more to the idea of me doing porn.


Initially, I was going to stay behind because I had work and college. However, I lasted two days and, in a love-struck stupor, I quit my job, quit school, grabbed a large bottle of Grey Goose that George had bought me as a good-bye gift, and drove up to Colorado to meet Trevor. 


In 2012, Trevor was getting out of the military so kind of between jobs, and I was working two low-wage jobs. Money was a little tighter than we wanted it to be. So, this is when I finally got Trevor’s blessing to apply for jobs as a porn actor. I remembered what George said, so I went to BoyCrush.com, scrolled down to the bottom, clicked “Careers” and got called back for an on-camera interview, which you can watch here



What it was like doing porn 


Maybe it would have been different if I was single, and working for a company that aligned more with my sexual preferences, but honestly I felt very awkward and out-of-my-element the entire time. The interview was fine, but my second scene with Kyler Moss just wasn’t for me. I was struggling getting hard and they had to give me two doses of meds to try and help. 


Plus, they had to take the camera down and just let me relax with Kyler a little bit first to help calm me so I could focus. Everyone there was really nice, and I wish that I did feel more comfortable with it because they all seemed to be like a family there, and it would have been nice to be a part of that.


I just remember that I found it crazy how they had this whole apartment setup for a porn studio, like there were multiple sets, offices, storage areas, people were staying there overnight to shoot scenes, like it was such a lively and energetic place to be all crammed in an apartment. I was thinking it’d be some random guy filming us in his second bedroom or something, but it was way more legit than I expected.

Everyone there was really nice, and I wish that I did feel more comfortable with it because they all seemed to be like a family there, and it would have been nice to be a part of that.



Why I eventually left


At that time, I was just a bottom for my husband, so Trevor said I just had to tell them I could only Top, but they liked me and I got called back for a scene with Kyler Moss where I did Top.


Honestly, after that, I think it was apparent that vanilla twinks were not really my type, so I don’t think it was the best performance and they never called me back after that. Besides, I got what I wanted out of it—money and an item crossed off my bucket list. Eventually I just wanted to know that I was done with them and not have to worry about them calling me back, so I called and told them that I wasn’t going to do any more scenes. They did seem sad to hear that, so maybe they did like me. I’m not really sure, lol.


What being a sub means to me


To me, a submissive is offering their time and body to another without objection (within reason) or judgment to enhance the pleasure of their Master. 


A sub should encourage and embrace their Master’s desires, help them experience their fantasies on the most intense level. Find out what they want to experience and how, how they want their sub to feel and react, and give them that satisfaction. 


Every Master is different, so you just have to let them lead and express their expectations to the sub. The sub offers the Master full control over something in this chaotic life.


A sub should encourage and embrace their Master’s desires, help them experience their fantasies on the most intense level.


Personally, what I like most about being a sub is experiencing different kinks I won’t even think of on my own. I remember when a Dom told me that he wants to get me pregnant with his sons, so they can get me pregnant with their sons. Obviously just a fantasy, but that idea had never come to my mind before and now that it has, I think it’s extremely erotic. 


That same Dom would always degrade me and had an obsession with the idea of a “filthy faggot” so he’d send me photos of nasty condemned places and say, “This is where I’m going to take you so you can be a sex-slave to the homeless guys and gangsters.” Again, never something I’d think of myself. He was very dark and mean, but underneath it all he was a real softy and needed my attention to feel loved.



What being a Dom means to me


A Master is the driving force of the entire relationship. They determine everything, the tone of the relationship, the acts performed, and expectations of the sub. They monitor the limits and keep them at a healthy push into a deeper state of surrender. They take all of the subs’ free will away so the sub can just breathe and focus on one task at hand. 


The Master provides an escape for the sub, and keeps using them to show them their worth—no matter what demeaning names they call their sub, the fact they still allow the sub to serve them shows that they’re needed and appreciated.

The Master provides an escape for the sub, and keeps using them to show them their worth—no matter what demeaning names they call their sub, the fact they still allow the sub to serve them shows that they’re needed and appreciated.



Being a Dom comes less naturally to me and I have less experience with it. Every once in a while I crave it, but mostly it’s fleeting or comes to me out of necessity to please the other person. I kind of use the same tactics as I do being a sub, just find out what they like and give it to them, but when I do this as a Dom, it’s more in a trial-and-error method where I control the narrative, give direction, and see how they respond. If I feel that they like it, I’ll go more down that path, and so on. 


It’s like building a map to find the sub’s sexual core. I do throw some things in there periodically just for selfish reasons, I mean they are ultimately my sub after all, but for the most part, the way I’m a Master to my boys is the same way I’m a sub to my Masters—there to intensely please my partner and push them deep into pleasure, but instead of following the guidebook written by the Dom, I’m driving the car down the road and creating the path to the sub’s happy place.

It’s like building a map to find the sub’s sexual core. I do throw some things in there periodically just for selfish reasons, I mean they are ultimately my sub after all, but for the most part, the way I’m a Master to my boys is the same way I’m a sub to my Masters—there to intensely please my partner and push them deep into pleasure, but instead of following the guidebook written by the Dom, I’m driving the car down the road and creating the path to the sub’s happy place.



About being a Dom/sub switch


I think within the last few years, I’ve finally started to really explore what turns me on and why. All my life I’ve always struggled with this, and being very unsure of what I want sexually. For a short while I even thought that maybe I was asexual but convinced myself that I was gay because I didn’t like women.


I’ve come to realize that what turns me on mostly is power dynamic. I enjoy the adrenaline of either having no control, or having all the control. Even in my vanilla day-to-day life, I have a spirit of servitude, I like to be in service to others. So, naturally, I’m submissive in that sense, but when there’s a project that needs to be done and no one wants to take control, I usually step in and take command of the situation.



I enjoy the adrenaline of either having no control, or having all the control. Even in my vanilla day-to-day life, I have a spirit of servitude, I like to be in service to others. So, naturally, I’m submissive in that sense, but when there’s a project that needs to be done and no one wants to take control, I usually step in and take command of the situation.


I started to notice that while talking to guys online, and having casual hook-ups, that if I’m getting along with someone and really vibing with them, but they want to be submissive, I’ll take the role as the dominant and just treat them the way I’d want a dominant to treat me.


I’ve had people tell me I’m a dominant bottom, submissive top, and every other combination in-between, and maybe that’s true to them because of how I act with them. But from my perspective, I just adapt to whatever my partner wants, or at least what I think they want.



With that being said, I can even do vanilla sex, but I don’t really enjoy it and it’s difficult for me to want just sex. I could care less about sticking a dick in me or someone else, but having me demand another person fuck themselves on my cock until I tell them to stop or being held down and having a dick forced into me without a say is heaven.

“I could care less about sticking a dick in me or someone else, but having me demand another person fuck themselves on my cock until I tell them to stop or being held down and having a dick forced into me without a say is heaven.”


I will say though, from experience, I’ve noticed that a lot of people who say they’re subs don’t follow through well, but I don’t find a lot of people claiming to be Doms have the same problem. Not sure where to put that tid-bit, but it’s a unique perspective I thought people would find interesting. It could just be me, maybe I attract more Doms than I do subs, but just something I’ve experienced.


I’ve just started taking mental note that I enjoy myself most when there’s a Dom/sub dynamic, and it doesn’t matter which role I’m playing or if it’s paired with another kink like age play, employee/employer, rape fantasies, etc. if there’s an intense power dynamic, I’m going to enjoy myself.


I suppose, in short, I’m just an adrenaline junkie people pleaser.

I have no plans, I’m a very live-in-the-moment type of person. I’m just planning to continue to reduce the power of labels, and just enjoy what I enjoy.


What’s next for me


Honestly, I have no plans, I’m a very live-in-the-moment type of person. I’m just planning to continue to reduce the power of labels, and just enjoy what I enjoy. Just let things happen naturally. We’re all complex individuals and are more than any one label. Don’t let society tell you what you can and cannot do, what you are, or what you are not. Just remember that language was created to verbalize thoughts and feelings, not the other way around.


Editor’s Note: If you’ve got a kinky story of your own you’d like to share, send us a DM. We love chatting with community members, whatever your kinks are. Drop us a message and you could be the next community member we feature.) 

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